有人說，在不對的時間愛上對的人是很麻煩的事。

但，也總好過在對的時間愛上不對的人吧？

要怎麼讓自己知道愛到底是怎樣？

怎樣才叫做愛呢？

以前以為自己很清楚愛是什麼，愛就是想要天天和他在一起。

現在呢？

愛到底是什麼？

我開始在愛裡迷路了。

也有人說，在一起越久的人，會分開。

但有人說，在一起久了，新鮮出爐的愛情會漸漸轉換成感情。

如果要我說，在一起久了，就不知道自己到底還愛不愛這個人。

曾經，為他瘋狂。

曾經，為他叛逆家裡。

曾經，為他獻出一切。

曾經，一切都是曾經了。

明明是同一個人說出的同一句話，卻有了不一樣的感覺和反應。

N 年前，

他說：“我會很黏你嗎？”

我回：“我就是喜歡你黏我，多少男生會黏自己的女朋友啊？不出軌就很好了，還黏咧。”

今天，

他說：“我會很黏你嗎？”

我回：“不會啊。”

N 年前，

我說：“你怎麼可以和一個女生在一輛車裡？！你有想過我的感受嗎？我會怎麼想？你是不是喜歡她？#%&^*@#!%@##^@*$!@%!#&！”

他回：“對不起寶貝，以後都不敢了。”

上個月，

他說：“比，我去載我朋友去看下那個新屋區。”

我回：“喔？你說要帶我去，說了半年了，都沒動作，出去和她吃頓飯就立刻載去？我想你應該頭殼壞掉了吧？別被我朋友瞧見，人言可畏知道嗎？去吧。”

以前，我在乎的是我和他的感受。

現在，我在乎的是面子。

愛的那種強烈的感覺，是會消失的。

剩下的是責任感，習慣以及現實。

不離開對方，只因為真的轟轟烈烈愛過與現時時時都為對方和自己的未來奮鬥。

愛，除了要愛的及時，也要及時享受被愛，才甘心的為愛付出呀。

First thing about myself,

自從做工後，上課顯得很無聊，也很無奈。

仲覺得老師沒在教重點或者是根本在教出社會以後用不到的東西。

是我自大了吧。

或者說，從澳洲回來以後，在課室上課顯得很無趣，在位子上坐不住，很想離開亂跑。

是我的性格吧？

看著老師寫在白板上的東西想著的是，我想做自己的東西，我想要出去闖。

還是我該放棄商業，回去當個鋼琴老師就好了。

或許我該去寫短篇小說？

還是算了吧，我的想像力是個有限公司。

想到未來以後前途，我就一個頭兩個大。煩死了。

或許我該畢業後立馬結婚。

那麼就讓老公養我就好了。 這樣會不會很不好意思呢？

這課還有45分鐘。夭羞喔。

Basically, I'm just so boring.

Looking at the phone from 10am until now. I'm afraid that people are looking at my every move, so, I'll just pretend I'm typing on a document or something.

Maybe this is what people said - PARANOID.

Working place is fine provided there is no asshole, no kiss-ass jerk, no overly 'iwanttohavethebossattention', no 'thisisnoneofmybusinessandfigureitoutyourself', no 'thisisinappropriateandsowrong' - Excuse me? What did I do?

EY has this thing call, 'bestbig4firm' and everyone agree with it, even myself, the lowest position excluding cleaners, mailman, filekeepers, receptionist, Okay, my point is I'm only a vacation trainee.

And fuck it, I am so agree with the 'bestbig4firm' award to EY.

Come on, which firm allows vacation trainee to do works outside from photocopying, faxing, filing, data-keying? Not saying that, I did none of that, frankly, I did all of that.

But I get to see the picture of auditing, what is the objective of it, how can it be done and most of all, I get the meaning of 'true and fair'.

It is not easy though. The past 2 months, I have been participate in auditing this engineering company and it came out this question 'What power do an auditor have?'

People outside usually say, Wow, you auditor? everyone must be very scare of you at the end of the financial period.

But seriously?

Let's come out with a situation.

Client not giving you any documents you wanted, they only give you what they wanted you to audit.
- I actually heard this statement by a client.
You found a lot of mistake, misstatement, balance cannot tie, etc. You ask client to adjust but client insist not to adjust. All you can do is, remove the 'true and fair' from the auditor report.
- I actually heard this from a senior.
And whether the board will something or not, is up to them.

Wtf? So, auditor do not have a power to tell the client, HEY YOUR STAFFS SUCK AT ACCOUNTING, FIRE THEM?

Nevermind, maybe they will improve next year. But all you get is the same cycle repeating.

I remember in a lecture, a lecturer said, Auditing is not only checking whether the company is reporting sincerely, it is also to improve the company reporting method.

Too bad, the book can never fight reality.

Okay, back to my daily life.

It is not okay to not see your bf once a week.
It is not okay to wash dishes for bf's family every time I visit, come on, I'm the guest!
It is not okay to let bf's mother to talk bad about me behind my back, not even infront of my face.
It is not okay to dress up like a old poor widow everyday just to go to work.
It is not okay to stuck in traffic for at least 3 hours per day.
It is not okay to not eating meat and rice.
It is not okay to not do shopping twice a month.
It is fucking not okay.

This temper is getting really out of control when the hunger attacks. It is somehow ridiculous yet happening every single day.

Oh, did I forget to mention I physically, intentionally and nobodycanstopmely on a diet plan?

The diet plan is known as, 'only eats a meal a day and that meal is usually a piece of bread'.

This is way out of my idea. I just can't stand he keep saying, "ehy, you very fat ady, when only want on diet?"

What do I look like now? An elephant? or a hippo?

Oh my god, I want food so badly. To prove this statement, I can and believe me I will have my food when the time comes and someone will definitely get harm from there.

Owh, there is another engagement for me to work on. Too bad I'll have to stop here. I thought I am having a good time here. It seriously release all my stress, especially there will be no one looking at me. It is like a online small little diary.